@tastefactory: Hey pal, you wanna take this outside? *me & the guy from the bar scoop the bug up on a napkin and set it down gently on the grass in front*
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@peeznuts: *standing behind home plate* -Beware of my dog-like reflexes. -Shouldn't it be cat-like reflexes? *catches baseball with my face*
@druuuck: *Friend sees my knuckle tats* F: 'MMA4LYFE,' really? *I put my fists by my English prof's 'OXFORDCO' knuckle tats* *we start break dancing*
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I hate that feeling when your iPod earbud accidentally gets ripped out of your ear and you want to murder someone with a hammer.
@FSUSteve: Ever been in the middle of writing a great tweet and think, did I just run someone over?