@jenstatsky: Hey, pens at the bank: cool it with the chains. You are literally last on my list of things I'd like to steal from a bank.
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@TheCiscoKidder: My wife never catches me scoping out the hot chick because she's too busy judging the hot chick.
@notalogin: My favorite part of a date is the sweet, seedy flesh. Wait, sorry, that's my favorite part of a fig, I always get figs and dates mixed up.
@House_Feminist: My friend told me he doesn't believe in having children so now I'm wondering if other people can see mine or if it's just me
@EndhooS: I'm sorry you're just not NASA material "Why?" Well, you wrote 'red' then crossed it out & put 'human' under blood type on your application.