@ambamthankyamam: Hey people that twitter says are "similar to me", where do people like us put our car keys?!?!?!
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@maybetomhanks: [dentist hands me a bag with a tootbrush and floss inside it] uhmmmmm okay? now I feel weird I didn't get you anything
@Slims_Ramblings: First Date: "So, tell me something no one else knows about you." Well, my wife thinks I'm at the movies and you think I'm single.
@cloudypianos: i wonder what my cat is thinking about when she sits curled up at my feet staring at me for hours and sharpening her hattori hanzo sword