@ambamthankyamam: Hey people that twitter says are "similar to me", where do people like us put our car keys?!?!?!
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@HeyJennyConway: Oh baby, were not going to need a 'do not disturb' sign. We're going to need a 'please don't call the police were fine' sign.
@Bownuggets: Some say I've "gone off the rails," or "left the reservation," or "screwed the pooch," or "mixed my metaphors," or "launched the hot dog"
@robdelaney: "Bartender, see that brunette at the end of the bar? I'd like you to bring her a slice of your finest ham."
@Dishasatra: Me- my boyfriend never messages goodnight before sleeping 😞 My friend- maybe because you don't have one?