@Adam14: Hey, people who don't properly re-seal your half empty bags of potato chips... what's it like eating spider eggs?
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@giftedrascal: I just found out my mum didn't know how to set the clock on their new microwave. So they stayed up until midnight & then plugged it in
@Mr_Kapowski: Him: This house is perfect for us! Her: What about the kids? Him: You're right. We'll have to put them up for adoption
@texasstalkermom: Ways to get me naked: 1. Be hot 2. Be funny 3. Be alcohol 4. Pretend to be my gynecologist
@dafloydsta: WIFE: Please take the trash out ME: Ok *later that night* ME: I'm having a nice time TRASH: Wow, the food here is spicy AF