@lawyerthoughts: Hey people who don't understand sarcasm, what's it like being so awesome?
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@PieChord: The only time my ex will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground.
@GuyThe_Guy: Autocorrect just turned "stepdaughter" into "lying manipulative drug addict that lives in the basement and brings dudes in thru the slider"
@aveuaskew: You said you couldn't live without me, so it's very inconsiderate of you not to be dead.