@lawyerthoughts: Hey people who don't understand sarcasm, what's it like being so awesome?
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@Quartzjixler: I was late so I shoved a whole taco into my mouth. It was a sight to behold based on the facial expression of the lady in the adjacent car.
@HALFniteStand: When a girl comes over for a date, I make sure I leave a hammer and measuring tape on the counter so she doesn't suspect that I watch Glee
@lurve_meh: They say kill 'em with kindness but it's much quicker if you just take their phone charger away.