@zachreinert03: Hey people who say 'I want my funeral to be like this': what are you going to do about it if they don't do it like that?
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@Donna_McCoy: Sorry I declined your Facebook friend request, but I can't have those sideburns popping up in my news feed unannounced.
@TequilaTears: Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
@djdarrellripley: Her: I dreamt I was being murdered. Me: Was I the one who was murdering you? Her: No. Me: (Sigh) Well, was I helping in any way at all?
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Can you hold my rubber ducky? Me: *takes the ducky* Why? 4: I dropped it in the toilet.