@NikiWithIssues: Hey person who wrote "WASH ME" on my car, I know it wasn't my car that wrote that. My car doesn't speak English. I'm onto you.
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@jimmytorosian: [commercial] Narrator: These are real people and not actors- Actor watching the commercial: *throws lamp at TV* WE'RE PEOPLE TOO!
@DebraMuffin: Nothing says 'I dont take you seriously' like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
@JhonRules: *dumps Gatorade on an alligator* How does your family taste you green piece of shit
@Brentweets: Pizza Hut is going gluten free so while you are dying from a heart attack you can atleast not have gas problems