@dumbbeezie: Hey rappers, if you have to keep reintroducing yourself then you’re not a very good rapper.
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@SteveSuckington: Her: Let's each pick one person we can sleep with and the other person can't get mad. Mine is Ryan Gosling. Who's yours? Me: The babysitter
@Bexdora: JUDITH! FETCH MY EVIL PLAN GLASSES! *2 hours later has organised a small festival* Dammit Judith, these are my party planning glasses!
@urgeekisshowing: That awkward moment when someone asks if you've dyed your hair and you say no, its just clean.
@FatherWithTwins: Stickiest things in the world: 3) Lollipops 2) Glue 1) Children's library books