@Pat_Bren: Hey, Sean Bean, it's either pronounced Shaun Baun or Seen Bean. You can't have it both ways.
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@joejwest: [jail] ME: I want my phone call COP: Ok. Make it count ME: [dials payphone] [cop's mobile rings] COP: Hello? ME: Please let me go
@juliussharpe: Forgot we bought a Christmas tree. Woke up at 2 a.m., went to pee, thought it was a guy and almost called the cops on it.
@Inconsteveable: Me: "Can I leave work half an hour early?" Boss: "Only if you make up the time." "OK. It's 35 past 50." Boss: "Just go.."
@Douchekevin: The problem was that everyone was poking my ex on Facebook. And in my bed And on my couch And in my car And when I was at work