@Pat_Bren: Hey, Sean Bean, it's either pronounced Shaun Baun or Seen Bean. You can't have it both ways.
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@GrumpyBahr: People who eat hotdogs from a gas station, you know there's faster ways to commit suicide?
@VeganZebra: [Barber gets out a small mirror to show an owl the back of its head] Owl: No I got it *rotates* Owl: Wait where'd it- *rotates* Owl: Ok help
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: I can't finish my lunch. I don't feel good. Me: OK, then no ice cream. 5-year-old: I'm sick, not dead.
@freypalm: Me: [to cat] HEY! GET YOUR PAW OUTTA THAT FISH TANK, MISTER. Fish: [holding the cat’s paw] Ignore him—he’ll never understand love.