@Nickadoo: Hey Starbucks. If you gotta name your drinks with stupid language, don't roll your eyes when I order a gitchy gitchy yaya mocha choca latte.
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@ZachXJ: Little kid next to me on a plane just ate the preservative packet out of his jerky, looked at me and said, "Don't tell my mom."
@ericsshadow: I dont have a "college fund" bc my youngest will most likely get a scholarship and my oldest thinks all dogs are boys and all cats are girls
@jonnysun: *christopre walken givig tour of apt* this is my.. walken closet. and these boots. these boots were made.. *long unecesary pause* for walken
@Wakenbake77: Accidentally walked into the women's bathroom, went ahead and peed sitting down so it wouldn't be awkward for anyone.