@jwoodham: Hey [STOP] Got your voicemail earlier [STOP] I'm replying with a telegram because you're apparently a big fan of outdated technology [STOP]
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@DamienFahey: There's no way witnessing the birth of your child is better than seeing your luggage come out first on the baggage carousel.
@SamGrittner: They don't hire anyone at IKEA. People get lost there for a few years and eventually know where everything is. It's Restockholm syndrome.
@TinaraMinus10: Hmmm, why don't we try reincarnation. Here, take this razor blade and I'll leave you alone for a few moments... -me as a therapist