@KenJennings: Hey suns wearing sunglasses: that's not going to help, stupid. Think about it.
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@click4amanda: Why do they write PIZZA all over the box???? what else could possibly be in there???
@Tmoney68: At my funeral, I'm stipulating in my will that after the eulogy is read the crowd can have 15 minutes for rebuttal, just to be fair.
@SCbchbum: When I reached the border patrol checkpoint, I raised my kale smoothie & the officer immediately waved me through.
@BradBroaddus: Got in a fight with the wife so I didn't let her sleep on the couch with me last night.