@KenJennings: Hey suns wearing sunglasses: that's not going to help, stupid. Think about it.
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@CloydRivers: If you plant a block of ramen noodles in the ground and water it with cold ones every day, it will grow into a college kid. It's science.
@FrogAvalanche: -Where was I conceived, dad? Dad: Ahh *rubs back of neck* At the Bellagio in Las Vegas. -Rly? Dad: Wd I lie to u, Bestwestern Broomcloset?
@Mikecanrant: Pretty upset to find out that salmonella poisoning has nothing to do with a vindictive fish named Ella.
@MrNickNo: That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you're innocent".