@Jennco_W: Hey tampon makers, can I get a silent tampon wrapper please? Sounds like I'm opening a bag of Sun Chips up in here.
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@naderdagher: If he pauses a video game to text you, he's probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
@StarWarsProblms: Kylo Ren: Hey, why is my paycheck so low? General Hux: Damages. Maybe you should stop throwing temper tantrums with your lightsaber.
@3sunzzz: You can't leave the aquarium with a penguin. It's a stuffed animal I got in the gift shop. Ma'am, it's moving. I GOT IT IN THE GIFT SHOP!
@attsmcjay: Hubs: " Few glasses of wine tonight hun"? Me: " Yeah, I had a glass of red" Hubs : " Just one eh" Me: " Well I use the same glass"