@darth__mouth: hey teens ! if you think you're angry now, just wait until you have to spend your own money on toilet paper.
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@iwearaonesie: wife on facebook: homework with 9, he's doing so well! wife to me: it took him 8 tries to spell cake. CAKE. grab some wine on your way home
@TheAlexP: [1st date] *recalls buddy said women like a manly man* *but also, be sensitive* I like to work with my hands, But splinters make me cry.
@JermHimselfish: I suffer from a rare condition called OCDC, which forces me to salute all of those who are about to rock.