@TheFearBoners: Hey Texas, in Florida it's legal to abort other people's kids up to 17 years.
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@albz: I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".
@Brianhopecomedy: Brought my 5 year old to the tax office to ensure that the accountant works as quickly as possible.
@juicymorsel: Yesterday I taught my boss to play Angry Birds. Today, she "couldn't make it in to work." This is called managing upwards, people.
@murrman5: "you're too polite" I am not [two weeks earlier while my house is being robbed] sorry he doesn't usually bark at strangers