@KPsych29: "Hey, the sky is pitch black tonight."-You, counting your lucky stars.
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@TheRealNickKay: WIFE: I can't believe you ruined my birthday yesterday ME: What a load of bollocks, Karen. I didn't even know it was your birthday
@KyleMcDowell86: ME: I need to return this blender WALMART EMPLOYEE: Why? ME:(thinking about how i broke it trying to blend rocks to make sand) "Its haunted"
@KKAlThani: Somewhere right now, a girl just uploaded a picture of herself saying "Not looking good today" after deleting the first 50 pictures she took