@KPsych29: "Hey, the sky is pitch black tonight."-You, counting your lucky stars.
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@Sourcoast: Turkey bacon is a lot like normal bacon except that IT'S NOT AND IT NEEDS TO GO BACK TO HELL, WHERE IT CAME FROM.
@TheMichaelRock: My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
@liv_thatsme: Some guy just tried to pay me for a Craigslist item with a check,but I'm not stupid. I made him pay me with a cold, hard, American $15 bill.
@NicestHippo: [getting a massage] MASSEUSE: You have sensitive skin SKIN: What is THAT supposed to mean