@KimmyMonte: HEY TWITTER IF I WANTED 10,000 CHARACTERS THAT I WASN'T INTERESTED IN I WOULD START WATCHING GAME OF THRONES
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@InternetHippo: me: our president is dumb as hell, he’s always tweeting you: you’re always tweeting me: i’m…that’s different
@Black__Elvis: I'm sick and tired of all these goddamn illegal aliens taking jobs away from good, hard-working American aliens.
@heytherecore: Scientists hard at work to find out what the other 98% of 2% milk is: "Probably not bees," says one scientist. "Dear god what if it's bees?"
@Mom_Overboard: Dog: Stop staring at me. I don't talk. Next time don't take so many Sudafed. Me: Wow, ok. Rewd. *grabs my unicorn's reins* Let's go.