@TheTweetOfGod: Hey U.S.: if every now and then I heard a "God PLEASE bless America", maybe you'd have better luck. #manners
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@daemonic3: Barista: "Welcome to Starbucks!" Me: "Large coffee please." B: "It's venti!" Me: "Then close all the windows after you get my large coffee."
@ArchiePeeler: Giving our 3-yr-old son the big news... Wife: We're having a baby! Son: Keep it in there. Me: Well, we can't -- Son: Keep. It. In.
@NicestHippo: [getting a massage] MASSEUSE: You have sensitive skin SKIN: What is THAT supposed to mean