@tastefactory: Hey u should give your secret boss this Coke. *bottle says "Share a Coke w/ the Drug Maker Guy"* *undercover cop's fake mustache falls off*
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@LizHackett: It's 11:48 PM. You can't sleep. Underneath your bed, there's a creepy rustle, as the clown tries to quietly unwrap and eat a granola bar.
@LuvPug: To the twenty something year old girls who think forty something year old women are jealous of them- enjoy your next 240 periods!
@hazelmotes1: Having children really brought me and my wife closer together. We have a common enemy now.
@thenoahkinsey: I peeled off the sticker that said "Don't consume alcohol while on medication." I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.