@tastefactory: Hey u should give your secret boss this Coke. *bottle says "Share a Coke w/ the Drug Maker Guy"* *undercover cop's fake mustache falls off*
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@GoldenSpirals: Ask a man if he's critiquing your work... Men Who Are Dating say: No, & compliment you. Single Men say: Yes Married Men: Try to hide
@davedittell: MY HOT WIFE: want to go down on me? [three minutes later] *riding my wife down the water slide* YEAHHHH
@charmfoz: The best things in life are free. Unless it's herpes. Stay away from people who want to give you free herpes.
@DaddyJew: 7: I failed my test Me: you tried your best 7: I got distracted by a dog outside and rushed everything Me: happens to the best of us