@Steelers1972: Hey Verizon, here's an idea ~ $9.99 for unlimited calls, text, and data. But, $179.99 a minute to call ex-girlfriends.
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@LeBearGirdle: Boss: [to coworker] print out that document, and in the meantime- Me: [from the other end of the office] DID SOMEONE SAY MEAN TIME?! boss: oh God Me: [stands up on Barbs desk] your kids are ugly as shit, Barb!
@thatdutchperson: [first date] Her: I just love eating clean and staying healthy, you know? Me:*flashback to the time I cry-ate two lasagnas* Totally