@Steelers1972: Hey Verizon, here's an idea ~ $9.99 for unlimited calls, text, and data. But, $179.99 a minute to call ex-girlfriends.
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@DirtMcTurd: [Giraffes at gym] "What do you want to work on today?" Well we did neck day yesterday, and the day before. "So...neck day again" You bet
@MrsGoose69: Don't give a women flower, she may have hay fever. Don't give her chocolate, she may be on a diet! Give her wifi so there's no excuse.
@ShaunRightNow: Smiling releases endorphins in your body, which relieves stress. All I have to do now is explain that to my proctologist when he's done.