@CulturedRuffian: Hey waiters-I don't ever 'save room for dessert', I just stuff it in there and pray to God I don't have an accident.
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@daplusk: Somebody called me 'pretentious' the other day.nnI nearly choked on my decaf double choc mocha latte.
@conanobrienswyf: All out of clean spoons so I guess I'll just eat this fat free yogurt with my gun.
@kookiedelukey: Myth: Have kids close in age. It gets easier and they'll have a friend to play with Fact: They'll fight. Every hour. Every day.
@TheDizzyBeauty: Thank God for semi colon's. How would I have ever been able to flirt if they didn't exist?