@illTortuga: "Hey, wanna hangout?" "Later." "Now?" "No, later" "How about now?" "Jesus christ." -if Adobe Updater was your friend
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@BoutCrazed: "I'm frying some fish for supper, so yall come over & eat" is what I said. "You're also gonna be helping me move my piano" is what I meant.
@funnybeachgirl: What's white & falls from the sky? "The coming of the Lord." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ...please enjoy this tweet. I'm going to hell.
@NicestHippo: BEAR JUDGE: Counsel, this is your last warning, you cannot-- LAWYER: *plays dead* BEAR JUDGE: Where did he go