@illTortuga: "Hey, wanna hangout?" "Later." "Now?" "No, later" "How about now?" "Jesus christ." -if Adobe Updater was your friend
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@OfficeofSteve: I always leave my vehicles gas on empty because I want thiefs to be as pissed off as my wife
@EndhooS: Fireman: [bursts in] EVERYONE OUT THIS IS NOT A DRILL Me: No its a hose lol [later] Cop: looks like he filled him with water til he exploded
@joerogan: This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.
@HomeProbably: Me: What makes you think I have trouble letting go? Her: You woke me up at 3am to ask that?