@illTortuga: "Hey, wanna hangout?" "Later." "Now?" "No, later" "How about now?" "Jesus christ." -if Adobe Updater was your friend
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@goldengateblond: I've gained 20lbs since the election. If Trump stays in office much longer I'll have to chain myself to a girl in a gold bikini.
@paperphotoyo: My neighbor can't understand why he just found human shit on his front porch. I can't understand why he would use a power saw at 5:48 am.
@tat2dsoccermom: Probably should not have driven home from the bar last night.. especially considering I walked there.
@liv_thatsme: We desperately need something to unite humanity. No, not love or compassion. I'm talking about a full scale alien attack.