@tastefactory: Hey water enhancer company, you could have made your pineapple flavor literally any other color.
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@RoosterMustache: ME: want anything for breakfast? BOSS: just banana [struggling to hold office door shut] ANA: let me in! ME: sorry boss said to ban you
@iGreenMonk: Annoucement: At my funeral, all my tweets shall be recited. I will then haunt whomever leaves first, demanding honest feedback for eternity.
@Jmboyd58: *wife runs back into our house which is on fire* What are you doing!? W: I just want to straighten up a little before the firemen get here
@Jake_Vig: The year is 2035. The only movies are superhero reboots. Anyone caught looking up from their phone is fined $100.