@tastefactory: Hey water enhancer company, you could have made your pineapple flavor literally any other color.
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@UrplePingo: In honor of Columbus Day I'm going to drive around until I get lost then make myself at home in the first clearly inhabited house I find
@SeanINCypress: Bad news is I'm not fluent in Starbucks. Good news is I ordered a skinny Latin, and Marc Anthony is a real sweetheart.
@ElitatheLibra: Miles: Mom what does clitoral damage mean? Me: 😳 Use it in a sentence, baby Miles: Like clitoral damage in a war? Me: Co-lat-er-ul, babe