@madamezooble: Hey! Welcome to Urban Outfitters. Are you a baby-sized woman or a woman-sized man?
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@thetits: [in the park] ME: aww look a baby WIFE: is it on me?! ME: um no it's in a stroll- WIFE: *swatting herself* I FEEL LIKE IT'S ON ME
@robdelaney: .@WebMD Should blood basically be cascading out of my nose when I look at the sun ?
@myles_morrison: Two men came to the door asking if I'd found Jesus. I said "Hell no. I don't want to have to spend my weekends bothering people at home."