@amydillon: "Hey, we're wearing the same shoes," I say to a teenager, ruining her day.
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@TheMichaelRock: Pregnant white women over 30 always buy the biggest SUV around, because you never know when you'll give birth to half of a baseball team.
@abbycohenwl: Realized I never said "unquote" after reciting a famous poem in 10th grade. Sorry if you thought everything I've said since is Shakespeare
@thisis_thatguy: I just heard an add on the radio stressing the importance of healthy muscles and it inspired me to bend my elbows more while eating cake.
@HeyZeus666: If a baby like Justin Bieber is the face of teen angst and rebellion, then we've bubble wrapped our kids too tight.