@amydillon: "Hey, we're wearing the same shoes," I say to a teenager, ruining her day.
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@jwoodham: DIET TIP: You are what you eat. Do you really want to be celery? C'mon. Not even celery wants to be celery.
@ch000ch: You: (about to show me a video on your phone) Me: oh haha ya i've seen this already but def don't ask me any questions about it
@ahoytheboat: i wear my ninja turtles costume on all of my first dates just to weed out the weirdos.