@amydillon: "Hey, we're wearing the same shoes," I say to a teenager, ruining her day.
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@pantsfaced: In a recent sleep study performed by clowns 9 out of 10 people didn't even know they were being watched.
@sageboggs: "Is that the guy who doesn't know how to use the word poignant?" Yea shhh he's coming over here THE GUY: hey guys! long time no poignant
@PartyBitchKayla: advice to my younger self: dont bang that old man on his helicopter he’s not joe biden