@DamienFahey: Hey white people, which filter are we using this year to Instagram the Pumpkin Spice Latte?
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@thatdutchperson: Someone rang my doorbell twice this morning, so I guess I'm having lunch behind the couch.
@InternetHippo: [hell] Satan: Everybody get online & read stuff that makes you mad for eternity Guy next to me: Nooooo Me: I trained my whole life for this
@kiel_phillips: JELLYFISH: *to friend* Want to see something disgusting? Watch this. *stings person* FRIEND: That wasn't dis... JELLYFISH: Wait a minute.
@KeetPotato: gang leader: "this isnt what i meant when i said go rob the store" me: [putting 19 cartons of milk in fridge] "you should be more specific"