@JimGaffigan: "Hey you know how everyone's favorite part of the sandwich is the meat, let's add an extra slice of bread?" - Inventor of club sandwich
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@david8hughes: [Joker has Robin tied up] "If you want to see the Boy Wonder alive, come to the old-" "Nope. Also he's allergic to peanuts. Like real bad."
@DanMentos: "My first wife didn't have a gag reflex" Wow that's amazing "Yeah she never laughed at any of my jokes"
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 2-year-old: An eagle! I’m going to save so much money on college.
@davedittell: the doctors gnash their teeth and howl through the night, but they dare not breach the lines of my apple orchard