@Kyle_Lippert: "Hey. You sleeping? No? Whatcha thinkin about? Hey. Did you hear me? Hey. Hey. Ok. You're boring. I'm leaving... Jk I'm back. Hey" - Birds
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@johncheese: I want to hire someone to wake me up each morning by bursting into my room and yelling, "Get dressed and grab your gun -- they found him."
@Qckhd: Girlfriend kept nagging at me to put the toilet seat down. So here I am, crying in the middle of a field, with the seat & a shotgun.
@zachreinert03: In Texas you're allowed to shoot someone just for being on your property. Man if I lived there I'd host sooo many parties