@perlapell: Hey Young Girls, when a first date suggests you two go to "your place", take him to Target.
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@JamesHavoc: Sometimes I think we are capable of great things as a species, but then I notice how many people can't put their shopping cart away.
@HomeProbably: I have caller ID for the front door. If you don't call me first, I am NOT answering the door.
@MatCro: ELECTRICIAN: [walks into home] GF: WHY ARE YOU IN SO LATE? E: Honey, we've talked about this. GF: [sadly] Ok.... wire you insulate?
@NourHadidi: Overheard at work: "that is music to my ears". Where else would the music go smartypants?