@rolldiggity: "Hi?" -First cow being milked
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@meganamram: I wish there were a specific ring you could wear that meant "I'm not married but I don't want men to talk to me"
@WeissBrandon: Me: excuse me waitress, I ordered this filet medium-rare and it's clearly a peanut butter and jelly Wife: did you just call me "waitress"?
@dance_blessed: Lust is not real love and Domino's is not real pizza but both are fine when you're drunk.
@BGH70: When bagging my groceries make sure to keep the radioactive bananas away from the mercury laden tuna. That's too much death in one bag.