@rolldiggity: "Hi?" -First cow being milked
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@aparnapkin: Parties are like jury duty for introverts. You know it's the right thing to show up, but you really hope there's a murder so it's worth it.
@SondraDeeMe: Me: Please, I beg of you, let me pet him one last time! I get separation anxiety! Him: I’m just out walking my dog, lady.
@Vice_Queen: My ex is such a loser that if there was a competition for the world's biggest loser, he'd still only win 2nd place.
@WGladstone: Lady Gaga got engaged on Valentine's Day with a heart-shaped ring, indicating her fiance shares her love for bold originality.