@robfee: Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?
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@BitchyJasmine: I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing he'll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
@Sickayduh: "Saying hot is disrespectful. You should say beautiful instead." "Fine. Can you pass me the beautiful sauce then?"
@gobmentcheese: The brownies I started making in my Easy Bake Oven in 1987 are ready if you guys want one.
@PajamaBen_: *cop pulls me over* Have you been drinking? No I- *water bottle now full of wine* *officer lowers shades. its Jesus* No one will believe you