@samalmightysam: Hi, I'm your car's radio. I'll be playing terrible music during your trip, but once you get out of the car I'll play your favorite song.
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@ScorpionDong: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain streaking" [pilot darts out of the cockpit completely naked]
@Swishergirl24: This guy on GMA is thanking God b/c he survived 2 plane crashes. I'm pretty sure "God" is trying to kill him.
@Mr_Kapowski: "The princess dies. And then the people trying to save her die. Dragon guarding the castle? Dead" - Bedtime at George R.R. Martin's house
@dril: BOSS TELLS ME I CAN KISS MY FERRETS AT WORK, BUT NO OPEN MOUTH. I PUNCH THE FLOOR SO HARD HIS SCREEN SAVER DEACTIVATES