@samalmightysam: Hi, I'm your car's radio. I'll be playing terrible music during your trip, but once you get out of the car I'll play your favorite song.
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@Staggfilms: ME: my mouth is all itchy HER: were you in the attic again? ME: you mean my Free Cotton Candy Room? HER: I'll speed dial poison control
@DanMentos: “Ever wonder why Rice Krispies costs the same as quieter cereals?” why would- “It’s because they're sold by weight-“ Dan, NO “not by volume"
@LoveNLunchmeat: The internet is amazing, especially for when you really want to fight with strangers about politics or snack choices.
@williamwanton: Couples that stay fit together don't trust each other enough to go to the gym alone