@pizza_dragon: Hi kids I'm Keanu Reeves here to tell you that speed is never cool unless you're a professional SWAT member on a bus that's about to blow up
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@PastorMark: A hipster guy is one who kept his grandpa's clothes but lost his grandpa's work ethic.
@_SingleBabyMama: As an adult very few things are less humiliating than being caught in public trying to be cute for a selfie.
@jaxxygrant: Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
@plumbur: If you start a conversation with "you're gonna say I'm crazy" there's nothing I can do but to congratulate you on your clairvoyance.