@specialsquid: "Hi, my name is Gary and I'm a shopaholic, my favorite place to shop is the alcohol store."
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@JohnLyonTweets: Her: I want to fulfill your deepest desire. Me: *gives her recipe for my mom's peach cobbler* The crust is the most important part.
@Parker_Simpson: The year is 2065. Every adjective once used to describe another person is now deemed offensive. Noone's left their homes in years.
@MattMcElaney: GF says my bike helmet looks ridiculous, but I'd rather be "uncool" than fall and crack my head open in the middle of having sex.