@3sunzzz: Hi. This is my first time at yoga. When I called they said to bring a Matt. *points at man standing next to her* Now what do we do with him?
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@PattiOShankable: My kids saw a painting of Jesus & both thought it was Bob Marley. Clearly, I'm going to hell. My kids don't know what Bob Marley looks like
@Lisa_Laughs_: When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shit.
@ryangriffiths: People that say "The worst kind of cut is a paper cut" probably haven't been stabbed in the face before.
@longwall26: Oh, you want to fight? Ok, one second *takes off glasses, removes retainer, unpins towel cape, empties snacks from pockets, sets down kitten