@fatguythe: Hid my daughters ipod in my other daughters room cause they've been getting along lately and there's nothing on tv tonight.
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@Introvert_Dad: Jesus fed 5000 with 5 loaves and 2 fish. I can't even satisfy myself with a family sized lasagne
@WilliamAder: Unable to stop their phones and washing machines from exploding, Samsung announced today they're changing their name to the ACME Corp.
@ElgatoEsmio: If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
@wesleybordelon: Hey guys, what's the name of that movie where Michael Cera plays a socially awkward teenager?