@Tw1tter_K1tten: Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the new hiding your report card from your parents.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SuperApple80: The hardest part of being an astronaut would probably be the constant smell of poop in my spacesuit any time something went slightly wrong.
@Gupton68: Me: *gesturing at the kids* We should start thinking about protection Wife: They’re too young to be talking about birth control M: I was thinking more along the lines of an exorcism
@tigersgoroooar: hate when the barista asks "do you want whipped cream?" it feels there are only two answers: "yes please, i'm fat." or "no thanks, i'm fat."
@SonOfCha: Sometimes I'm depressed and then a girl stars one of my tweets and it's like YAAAAYYYY NEW GIRLFRIEND!!!!!