@Schmoodles: High cholesterol food will always have a special place in my heart.
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@stevevsninjas: Me: Can you check my balance on this gift card? Cashier: ok Me: [ steps on card, lifts other foot without wavering ] Pretty good, right?
@onelongbender: This woman at work sounds just like me. I'm going to pay her to call my Mom and occasionally say mmhmm and how nice.
@junejuly12: Him: Why do you always need the last word? Me: I don't. Him: Me: I don't really. Him: Me: I don't! And that's final. Him:
@DaddyJew: Son: you have a gray hair Me: it's a badge of honor Son: *looks at head* whoa, you're like some sort of super soldier Me: go to your room