@MaraWilson: High school prepares you for real life! For example, show choir taught me how to put on eyeliner and lip liner in a car on the freeway
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@ericsshadow: [on a business trip to South Carolina] Nice to meet you. I'm from Philadelphia. "Welcome to the United States."
@mauleePillar: My toddler appears to know a magic spell to transform any space into a Hoarders episode.
@FierceMess: If it weren't for twitter I wouldn't know what it feels like to go unnoticed. Just kidding, I'm married. I know exactly how that feels.
@ShutUpThatsWho: If you play the movie Jaws backwards it's basically a story about a shark with bulimia.