@MaraWilson: High school prepares you for real life! For example, show choir taught me how to put on eyeliner and lip liner in a car on the freeway
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@ConanOBrien: You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancée by the way he hasn’t murdered her.
@NicestHippo: Props to every deodorant commercial ever for abandoning all creativity and just going with "If you buy this, women will have sex with you"
@jakob_huber: "What's your greatest strength?" Shadow puppetry "Seriously?" [interviewer presses intercom button] "Pat, please bring a flashlight in here"