@MaraWilson: High school prepares you for real life! For example, show choir taught me how to put on eyeliner and lip liner in a car on the freeway
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@karencheee: Watching basketball while on the treadmill feels like reading a book about someone reading an even bigger & better book
@Sickayduh: This girl won't stop crying because I told her that selfie filters wear off in 6 months.
@ExcuseMyTweets: The door is closed? I want in. The door is open? I want out. Actually I just want to sit in the door frame itself. - Pets
@tastefactory: I accidentally heated my Hot Pocket for 20:00 instead of 2:00 and now there's a giant radioactive Hot Pocket in my apartment watching my tv