[HIGH SCHOOL] teacher: you'll use calculus one day [AGE 40] me: *standing on textbook to get twinkies from high shelf* whoa how did she know

@briangaar: Donald Trump is basically the villain in every anime so I assume he'll be defeated by a 13-year-old boy in short pants

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@DontDraketheIce: Go to a botanical garden? Haha, yeah, okay. Like I want to pay money to walk through a giant salad

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@1MeLrO: If you can't kill them with kindness A shovel will do

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@ComedyPosts: And then Satan said, "Put the alphabet in math..."

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@ohmygrapeness: Millennials urban dictionary everything... I come from a time when the thesaurus roamed the earth.

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