@c_always_wright: high school was the free trial version of college. “if you wish to continue your education you can buy the complete pack for $50,000”
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@sbellelauren: i know how hard it must have been for my parents to tell me there was no santa because i just had to tell my parents there's no jesus
@BigBagOfScum: My friend was like "hey bring some cd's to listen to on the trip" and I was like "where are we going, 2001?"
@jordan_stratton: You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn't notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
@kelkulus: A friend of mine is allergic to both peanut butter and bees, which he discovered when he bit into the worst sandwich ever.