@c_always_wright: high school was the free trial version of college. “if you wish to continue your education you can buy the complete pack for $50,000”
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@MamaFizzles: The children were nestled all snug in their beds until they had to pee get a drink show me they can whistle and ask me if birds have teeth.
@priya_ebooks: currently texting 'Happy Father's Day' to all the men in my phone to freak them out
@krisv_723: Me: Siri, how hot does fire need to be to burn a body. Siri: Kris, we go over this once a week. Make a note.
@tomcashgent: Noah had a younger brother called Rick who just built a speedboat and saved 9 cheetahs