@BoyfriendWhat: Him: "Can we have a Doritos themed wedding?" Me: "no." Him: "well, what kind of chips would you prefer?"
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@RayfromCincy: The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
@AnkCoupleTO: [estate planning] Advisor: Have you thought about an end-of-life gift? Me: I'll be dead, that's a big enough gift for everyone
@E_lok44: I just found a Cheerio in my sofa and we don't have any Cheerios in this house. *eats it