@Ivsy01: Him: Favorite workout? Me: Pilates. Him: Why? Me: Because we lay down for an hour.
@arobertwebb: Anyone who expects to feel safe in a driverless car has never owned a printer.
@theDanLawler: I'm thinking about getting an arm tattooed on my snake.
@VodkaThursday: I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT ANYTHING. YOU ARE EVIL. I don't want to go in the swing!! NOOOOooooo.... okay. yeah. This works. I'll hang here. - Baby
@SCbchbum: The directions on every jar of anti-aging cream should read: “Apply liberally to face & neck 20 years ago.”