@Ivsy01: Him: Favorite workout? Me: Pilates. Him: Why? Me: Because we lay down for an hour.
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@shanethevein: The doctor asked if I was sexual active. I shook my head and said "Not in front of the wife".
@KeetPotato: gang leader: "this isnt what i meant when i said go rob the store" me: [putting 19 cartons of milk in fridge] "you should be more specific"
@ericsshadow: For sale: $300 King size mattress & box spring, 6 mo old, Never had sex on it, not even once. IDK ask her.
@Piecezilla: Putting a bell around a cow's neck to circumvent its stealthiness is just wrong. I say let them hunt.