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@mydmac: Him: I won't bore you with the details.
Me: Too late for that.
@Matt_the_1st: Use your whole data plan each month. There are children in China that have no data plan
@Lovestained555: UBER: Sounds better than "Let's get in this strange man's car!"
@bourgeoisalien: I can't stop coughing. Think I'll go see a movie in a crowded theater while slowly eating a bag of bone-dry popcorn.
@JoParkerBear: God will never give you more than you can handle, unless you were born in the wrong place or don't have money. That makes God super mad.
@AnOrangeSNES: [Victora's Secret]
Wife: You're the most supportive person I know.
*A person made of bras walks by*
Me: Um what about that guy?