@Ndeshi_M: Him: I'd go to the end of the world for you!
Me: Well... what are you waiting for then?
@dafloydsta: [marriage counseling]
She thinks I'm foolish with money
"He used our life savings to buy a tiger"
YOU SAID YOU WANTED A CAT, KAREN
@TheWoodenslurpy: Did you know that if you drop and break a piece of folk art, it just turns into more folk art?
@BubblesnBooze: Anyone who says time flies, has obviously never been on a treadmill.
@cigarin: Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer.
@zeugirdorej: How come Noah didn't just slap those two mosquitoes?