@unravelingfire: Him: [running out of burning house carrying two house plants and three Led Zeppelin CDs] I DIDN'T KNOW WHICH PLANTS YOU WANTED
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@rolldiggity: "What should we name this fruit?" "Passion!" "..." "..." "Let's not let Todd name any more fruits."
@dumbbeezie: Sometimes I think I want to have a baby but then I wake up the next morning still holding my beer and I think maybe not
@skylerhanrath: Mike: Mom! We're out of burrito paper! Mom: Dammit Mike, they're tortillas. You're twenty six.