@Sandrahadenough: I spent 20 minutes at the gym trying to untangle my headphones...I'm done..my arms are killing me!

@Bagyants: Hang in there, people suffering from natural disasters and deadly diseases - we're putting ribbons on our cars as fast as we can

@bazecraze: Put your family down and pay attention to your phone.

@Smooheed: Standing behind a hot guy on a treadmill saying 'don't worry baby, I'll catch you if you fall' makes him run for a really really long time

@ArchiePeeler: Hostess: It's a 15 minute wait. May I have your name? Me: Baron Von Gerhardt, heir to the throne of Osterburken. Hostess: Me: Write it down.