@TheBeerGuy73: Every few weeks I login to Facebook, update my birthday to the current day, and those idiots wish me happy birthday every time.

@jakob_huber: "I hate hashtags!" Dad screams as he smashes his #1 Dad coffee mug against a wall.

@JimmerThatisAll: I don't know why these Jehovah's Witnesses won't give me their addresses in case I think of something more to shout at them.

@TYLER_CMC: I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces down by the pond today

@MakesYouGiggle: Not having a date on Valentine's Day doesn't really worry me... It's those 364 other date-less days that are causing me a bit of concern.