@Ivsy01: Him: You'll always be the one that got away. Me: Escaped. Him: What? Me: I said Thanks.
@MAngelo505: My doctor says I should lose 10 lbs and work out more. But why? Spanx launched a men's line.
@ArfMeasures: ME: Jesus Christ, this is the slowest train I've ever travelled on
BRIDE: Someone please get this prick off my dress
@crunchenhanced: I've been married for about 45 lbs.
@dinnersruined: How to lose a gf:
Gf: which of my friends would be the most fun to have a 3some with?
Me: *names two of them*
@timdonakowski: *Searches “Yahoo” on Yahoo until Yahoo has an orgasm*