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@TrulyValued: HIPPO: I'm really heavy
ZIPPO: I'm a little lighter
@KalvinMacleod: ME: where's your brother?
OLDEST CHILD: where's another roll of duct tape?
ME: *sprints to the basement*
@VerifiedJayy: My gf said "tie me up and do what you want" so I duct taped her to the headboard and went to the bar
@Cpin42: Well Bob, I love to travel, and being my own boss is great. But I suppose my favorite thing about being a serial killer is murdering people.
@DurtMcHurtt: I bet Yoda was pretty hot before he turned into an old Asian lady.
@TheBigBatman: The first 36 years of my childhood have been the hardest.