@palokin: Hipsters hate rivers. Too mainstream.
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@dave_cactus: ME: Well, time to make like a tree, and leaf. HER: *giggling* So, my place or... ME: *starts sprouting leaves from my fingers* HER: WHAT THE
@ashleyaustrew: "I don't know the government, and I'm not giving them any of my coins." - my 4yo after I explained taxes
@thatdutchperson: [does his regular grocery shopping] Cashier: having a kid's birthday party? Me: ...................yes.